I’m depressed, so the headline is a little bit horrifying. Please don’t think the headline is too grandiose or dramatic or ominous. I just always wanted to use that for a blog headline ever since I saw the thing in Mass Effect 2.


I’ve tried to make sense of my seasonal depression ever since the weekend. I’ve rambled a bit in public. I’ve rambled a bit about it in private to my friends. I’ve probably distraught or annoyed everyone I care for several times over by now. I’ve ended up annoying people. I’ve ended up making them worried and puzzled.

This is fucking serious. Thank heavens the summer is coming.

But I know how to handle this. I’ve been here before, you see.

I just need to embrace the fact that nobody can help me right now. Absolutely nobody. I need to fight this horrifying feeling on my own. And I do that best by doing the sort of shit I’m reasonably good at.

I’ve managed to get through with patience and rationality.

I’m usually feeling like absolute shit in the evenings and really fucking terrible in the nights. People around me are annoyed at these times. I try to be discreet about it but I still end up annoying them due to some stupid mistakes and such.

I wanted to do something cool today. I failed to do that.

I just can’t handle the puzzlement and fear and worries people throw at me. I just have to go away for a while. Wait until this shit gets sorted out in my head.

I will do something worthwhile tomorrow. All on my own.

So I won’t be much available for talk on today or tomorrow or, hell, who knows, the rest of the week. I don’t know. I’ll not post shit in the identica/twitter or play on Xbox Live.

So just to let everyone know, I’m not available.

I’ve got shit to fix and the only person who can do anything about it is me. I need to let this blow over.

So I’ll fade away for the rest of the week. Have fun, everyone. I’m trying to have fun as much as it’s in my feeble power to keep my head above the fun-line.

Perhaps I’ll be a less worrisome creature by then. And days will be just a little bit longer.

Who knows.